Envy in a Poly Relationship

I find myself envious of my girlfriend, and I know this is hard to admit, actually it's always hard to admit that everything isn't going perfectly in a relationship, at least for me it is. But I do envy her, Sweetheart is almost everything I'm not, she's very flirty, fun confident, and above all very sexy. I however, am sweet, kind, adorable  and naive.
Now for Husband he gets to have one of each kind with the two of us, because in the ways we are different we tend to compliment each other's personalities, but for me that sometimes leaves me feeling inadequate  or like I'm not good enough to please Husband. I know it's rather ridiculous especially since Husband loves me, and he loves Sweetheart, And I love both Husband and Sweetheart as well but I still feel like I am not good enough.

I tend to blame it on my social awkwardness as to why I want to be sexy and flirty to Husband so bad, but I always tend to fall short, and both Husband and Sweetheart think it's adorable as to how I try to be flirty.
What I really need to do is just stay in my niche, what I'm good at, but I see their relationship and I think that Sweetheart looks like she's having so much fun being flirty, and I just want to have fun sometimes, I just need to learn how to let loose and know that both Husband and Sweetheart love me for who I am, and neither of them want to change who I am, or how I am. (Although I'm sure Husband would enjoy me a little less socially awkward, but I don't know if I would truly be me if I wasn't so awkward)

And before anyone asks, we all three talk though these feelings, quite often in fact. Because if we were to ignore them, it would just get bottled up inside and create issues that can cause rifts in the relationships. And I know that Husband Sweetheart and I all three want our relationship to work out, because we plan on being together until we are old and grey sitting in our rocking chairs, Husband flirting, Sweetheart sassing him, and me crocheting and thinking both of them are crazy, and that I will love them till I die.

Procedure results

I'm loopy as all get out, and wondering if we became immortal would our bodies age, I think they would, I mean it's only fair that if we're going to live forever that our bodies would need to age in order to keep it's from getting powerful, because of course we would all be wizards, DnD wizards, not Harry Potter.

But my wonderings aside, I am alive, and they found nothing wrong with me that they could see, and I'll be meeting with the doctor next week to discuss the biopsy results, and I will of course let everyone know the results of that. I was hoping they would find something wrong with me so they could fix it, pig well, here's hoping the biopsy will tell is what's wrong with me to cause all this pain.

liquid diet

So all of today I'm on a liquid diet, and let me tell you what, I hate it.....I just want some solid food right now, but instead I'm having really cold water and going to be brewing some tea later. At least I can mix the power medicine with sweet tea later tonight. At least I hope that tastes better than the power mixed with water.
There is a piece of cheesecake in the fridge that is taunting me also....so not fair.

Medical Update

So at my appointment on Thursday, the doctor had originally suggested medicine, but when told that my insurance would be up at the end of May they decided to go ahead and schedule a procedure for Monday morning where they're going to go ahead and take a look around my colon and see if they can find out anything wrong with me.
To be honest, I hope they find something wrong with me, just so we can get it taken care of.

But anyways, just an update for anyone who was curious.

Specialist #2

Well today I see the second specialist to try to figure out what is wrong with my body and why I'm having such bad abdominal pain (and NO, I'm not pregnant, good lord, if I had a dollar for every time I've been asked that in the past 2 and a half months I'd have at least $100 by now, on second thought maybe I should start charging for an answer to that question) Although, if I'm honest I thought I was pregnant at first too, just because symptoms with Loki presented a lot the same way for that first month.
But anyways, I've been in pain off and on (mostly on) for the past almost three months, and I'm just hoping this doctor will have some answers as to what is causing this and how we can make it stop. Cause if he doesn't, the first specialist said that the next step is pretty much cutting me open to see how I tick.....not exactly wanting that option to happen.

Very important announcement!!!!

My daughter has learned how to say 'please'

Thank you, that is all.

Grumpy me

I know it seems that I've been very down on my body lately, complaining about the pain and everything, but I have decided that most of my whining comes from the fact that I am not as happy as I normally am lately. I think it's coming from the fact that I haven't been following my lists and routines lately, it's enough to throw anybody off and get them in a bad mood. So Husband has said that he will start checking my list every night before bed to help me stay accountable and keep on my list through out the day.

But anyways, I have a slightly fussy baby to get back to, she doesn't want anything from me, just wants me to sit near her as she plays. Which is actually rather sweet.

so...news

A lot has been going on lately, and I have, once again, been horrible about keeping up with my blog.
So here's a quick update:

Loki is now big (tall and weight) enough that she can have her car seat facing forward! She's very much enjoying the big change.

Sweetheart is job hunting and helping me keep the house, and has been doing a lot of furniture moving and origination due to the fact that we moved her things to the third bedroom so she has a space that is all her own.
So now the bookshelves are in the main bedroom, and the computer is out in the living room, which I'm enjoying since Husband would be in the back room shut away from everyone when he was goofing off on the computer. All in all, I really really like the new arrangement.

Husband will be having his third interview for a management position on Monday and I am so proud of him!
The though is that this will be the last interview before he is offered the job, so we're excited. Husband is still holding onto his dream of being a police officer, but will be working on getting in shape while working.

As for me - well, we still don't know what's wrong with me, and I'm no longer working, my next appointment is next week with the second specialist that I'll be seeing. I'm hoping they figure out what's going on, because if not, and they send me back to the first specialist, he's opting to cut me open and look around to see if they find anything. All in all, not wanting to be cut open, so here's hoping that they figure out what's wrong with me. Soon would be nice too.