Shaken

I'm not sure what to feel right now, mostly I feel nothing. It's like I know it happened, but it doesn't quite feel like it happened to me. I suppose I'm still in emotional shock at the moment, which is odd, because now I've known for well over 12 hours what happened. It normally doesn't take this long for things to sink in, especially death. Maybe I've been over-exposed? 

Husband was wonderful to me today, after he got home from work he watched Loki for an hour so I could just lay down and rest, and when I got up, realizing what time it was we went to the Saturday night service at Hope. I think that was exactly what I needed. I felt much calmer and more myself I guess is the only word for it. 

I should be sleeping right now, but I just can't shut my mind off.

I will always treasure the memories I have going to Wisconsin and seeing my family. I want to keep the memory of Grandpa's voice in my head, the sight of him sitting at the table, always in the same spot at insanely early hours in the mornings with a cup of coffee in front of him. The smell of the breezeway, learning how to use a lathe.  Walking through the greenhouse with my sister and two cousins. Making up stories as we went, magic fairy tails. 

But mostly I want to remember that now M and Grandpa are both no longer in pain. That they are in a better place. And I hope one day to see them again, in a place of no more tears and no more sadness. 

For now, there are tears, and sadness, and joy at a long life and a man that will not be forgotten.