I have so many thoughts lately, so much bursting, trying to get out. Yet I often find myself at a loss for words when I sit down to type. Or I find myself deleting an entire post because I worry what people will think of me, just like I always have. I want people to like me, I want friends, but I also fear it, worry I will screw it up, that they will want to leave me after getting to know me.
I don't always like myself, I find my actions and inner thoughts too selfish to meet with the person I want to be, too mean and angry. Sometimes even too vengeful.
I have been learning some unpleasant truths about myself lately, and I don't necessairly like them, nor am I sure they can be changed easily, or at all.
I feel so.....I don't even know half the time. Sometimes it feels as if the world is picking on me, picking me apart, tearing me down. Other times I know that I'm only being melodramatic and 'woe is me' unnecessairly, but I can't seem able to drop it.
But now I am finally tired. So I will put my phone away (whoch I'm going to blame for anythong wrong.
See you later cowboy.
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