so much has changed

Just a little over a year ago Sweetheart moved in with Husband and I. At first everything was awesome, we all adjusted well to having three adults living in a house together with one child.
But things didn't stay going well, it took around 5 months before things really started to fall apart, and I will admit that some of it was my fault, mostly because I realized that I wasn't poly enough for the relationship to actually work the way we all three wanted it to.

That being said there was trouble all around but mostly between Sweetheart and my relationship. (now while I say this, Husband and my relationship never wavered, Sweetheart came in knowing that if everything went wrong Husband was not going to choose to leave me to go with her, and I do think that knowing that going in actually ended up hurting Sweetheart a lot, she had said it made her feel like she would always be second best, which we tried very hard not to make her feel like. We always wanted her to know that she was important to the relationship and how much the both of us loved her.)

Now for this all I can really talk about it what I personally dealt with, I know what Husband has told me, and what Sweetheart said before she left, but the whole 'staying friends' thing really did not work for us at all. Which is kind of sad, but considering what I've seen since, it was probably for the best if we don't try to be friends for a while anyways, everyone needs time to get over the hurt and the emotions that come from a relationship.

Now for today, I'm only talking about the few things that I can think of that we got right. (and with all the bitter feelings left over I can only really thing of two things. Which really says how much hurt and bitter feelings will cloud the mind.)

*We all learned to communicate with each other - this is not only vitally important for a normal relationship, but a must have for a poly type relationship. Lord knows if you can't talk to each other you have no idea how bad everything is going to hit the fan.

*Weekly meetings - now this really ties in with communication, because it helped us to sit down once a week, go over the schedule for work and everything and also bring up anything that we felt we all three needed to talk about together.

Envy in a Poly Relationship

I find myself envious of my girlfriend, and I know this is hard to admit, actually it's always hard to admit that everything isn't going perfectly in a relationship, at least for me it is. But I do envy her, Sweetheart is almost everything I'm not, she's very flirty, fun confident, and above all very sexy. I however, am sweet, kind, adorable  and naive.
Now for Husband he gets to have one of each kind with the two of us, because in the ways we are different we tend to compliment each other's personalities, but for me that sometimes leaves me feeling inadequate  or like I'm not good enough to please Husband. I know it's rather ridiculous especially since Husband loves me, and he loves Sweetheart, And I love both Husband and Sweetheart as well but I still feel like I am not good enough.

I tend to blame it on my social awkwardness as to why I want to be sexy and flirty to Husband so bad, but I always tend to fall short, and both Husband and Sweetheart think it's adorable as to how I try to be flirty.
What I really need to do is just stay in my niche, what I'm good at, but I see their relationship and I think that Sweetheart looks like she's having so much fun being flirty, and I just want to have fun sometimes, I just need to learn how to let loose and know that both Husband and Sweetheart love me for who I am, and neither of them want to change who I am, or how I am. (Although I'm sure Husband would enjoy me a little less socially awkward, but I don't know if I would truly be me if I wasn't so awkward)

And before anyone asks, we all three talk though these feelings, quite often in fact. Because if we were to ignore them, it would just get bottled up inside and create issues that can cause rifts in the relationships. And I know that Husband Sweetheart and I all three want our relationship to work out, because we plan on being together until we are old and grey sitting in our rocking chairs, Husband flirting, Sweetheart sassing him, and me crocheting and thinking both of them are crazy, and that I will love them till I die.