Miscarriages

No, before anyone freaks out, I have not had one, Odin is still doing just fine.

The one I want to talk about happened in 2009, a way long time ago it feels like, but sometimes it feels like yesterday.
It was my first pregnancy, I had found out and told everyone, Husband and I were so happy, I was working as a CMA and enjoying my job, everything looked like it was going our way. Then I started spotting, the doctor did a sonogram, and it looked like the placenta hadn't attached all the way. They never came out and said I would loose the baby, and even if they had I don't think I would have heard it, I was too excited to be pregnant.
A week or so later it started getting worse, I was getting cramps and pain, enough to where they sent me home from work. The next day I called in to work and talked to my doctor. They confirmed what was happening. I was in shock. The next two days flew by in a haze. Until I got a call from work, telling me I was fired due to absences. I had been sent home one day and called in sick the next, but evidently they didn't care that I had a doctor's note. It was horrible. It seemed like my whole life just stopped at that moment, I'd never been fired before.

Now you may be asking why I'm bringing this up now, when I'm set to deliver in just over 2 weeks.

The pain of the loss never leaves you, no matter how far along you are when you loose your little one. I've been hearing recently from people talking about pregnant women not being appreciative of what's happening to them, about how they should be grateful they can even carry a child.
I have read articles saying that it's as common for 1 in 4 women to have had a miscarriage. But I haven't been able to find a solid medical source for that statistic. However, I can only name one woman I know of that has kids that did not have at least one miscarriage somewhere in her life.
So if you hear me complaining about how uncomfortable I am, or how much I wish it was over, be careful about making the snap judgement that I'm ungrateful for being able to carry a child.
For the first months before I could feel Odin moving I was terrified, I still am terrified if he's still for too long. You can ask Husband, I worried and fretted all the time. (He'd probably laugh if he ever heard anyone say I'm not worrying about something) I would even say this goes for most women, miscarriage is not talked about very often, it seems like most people treat it like a dirty secret to have lost a child, like that somehow meant they weren't good enough.

Now I've kind of lost my focus, sorry, it happens often. I guess all I'm saying is be kind to one another, we've almost all suffered a loss before, we know how it hurts, especially when everyone seems to get pregnant as soon as your precious one is gone. (that one hurts the most, seeing other people so happy while you are suffering and in pain)

so much has changed

Just a little over a year ago Sweetheart moved in with Husband and I. At first everything was awesome, we all adjusted well to having three adults living in a house together with one child.
But things didn't stay going well, it took around 5 months before things really started to fall apart, and I will admit that some of it was my fault, mostly because I realized that I wasn't poly enough for the relationship to actually work the way we all three wanted it to.

That being said there was trouble all around but mostly between Sweetheart and my relationship. (now while I say this, Husband and my relationship never wavered, Sweetheart came in knowing that if everything went wrong Husband was not going to choose to leave me to go with her, and I do think that knowing that going in actually ended up hurting Sweetheart a lot, she had said it made her feel like she would always be second best, which we tried very hard not to make her feel like. We always wanted her to know that she was important to the relationship and how much the both of us loved her.)

Now for this all I can really talk about it what I personally dealt with, I know what Husband has told me, and what Sweetheart said before she left, but the whole 'staying friends' thing really did not work for us at all. Which is kind of sad, but considering what I've seen since, it was probably for the best if we don't try to be friends for a while anyways, everyone needs time to get over the hurt and the emotions that come from a relationship.

Now for today, I'm only talking about the few things that I can think of that we got right. (and with all the bitter feelings left over I can only really thing of two things. Which really says how much hurt and bitter feelings will cloud the mind.)

*We all learned to communicate with each other - this is not only vitally important for a normal relationship, but a must have for a poly type relationship. Lord knows if you can't talk to each other you have no idea how bad everything is going to hit the fan.

*Weekly meetings - now this really ties in with communication, because it helped us to sit down once a week, go over the schedule for work and everything and also bring up anything that we felt we all three needed to talk about together.