I have a bad case

of the 'I don't want to do any things'  Combined with the fact that we all have had horrible runny noises and stuffy heads I have been falling behind on my lists and the housework. Thankfully it looks like Loki is starting to get over her runny nose, although she is still going though getting her eye teeth, but thankfully they don't bother her too much.

The physical pain that had been bothering me for so long is now all but gone, and they still have no clues as to what caused it. But now I have just felt like an emotional wreck lately, I have been crying at the drop of a hat, and get upset at the silliest things. Husband and Sweetheart have been so understanding and helpful, but I can tell it's starting to wear them down.
I feel like I'm losing control of everything, but Husband says that might be a good thing, that I hold on to too much, that I control too much. Maybe it will be better if I do just let go, but it feels like I can't just stop clinging to everything.

 I feel that the control is the only thing keeping me together sometimes.

yuck

My head is plugged up, my nose is stuffy and I can't really breathe, so all the breathing through my mouth is making my throat sore.

In short...I'm just a little miserable.

New ideas for an old blog

I know I haven't been posting much lately, so I have decided that I'm going to try to go in a little different direction and see if that will help me staying on track with my blogging habit.

For my birthday my mom and dad got me my very first crock pot. And I am loving it so far. Today is the fourth time it's been in use, and so far 2 of the 3 recipes have been a hit.

1) Chinese Lemon Chicken - the flavoring was delicious, but the chicken was a little dry, and I didn't think to add some water to make sure that the chicken was fully covered, which is the reasons why this recipe was not a hit, but it's under the 'try again' folder and hopefully next time it will work out better, but I think I did pretty good for my first ever try.

2) Pot Roast - I've never liked pot roast, growing up I thought it was disgusting, but Sweetheart loves pot roast, so I decided that it would be our second recipe to try. Let me tell you what, I like pot roast now. Now due to Husband hating onions, we put in very large slices in order to easily take them out, but still get the flavor, We also added potatoes to this recipe and next time will use more carrots. (surprisingly Husband loves cooked carrots)

3) Meatloaf - Now I have always loved meatloaf, so I was slightly nervous to make it myself. But I was pleasantly surprised. I loved it, and so did Sweetheart, Husband, not so much. As stated above Husband does not like onion, so there was no onion added to the meatloaf, I also didn't add mushrooms or sage to it. (I'm a little boring with my cooking sometimes) I loved the topping for this recipe though, especially not having to put it on at the beginning, I think it tasted much better that way.

and for today (drum roll please) we are having Margarita Chicken. Now, this is cool because it calls for frozen chicken, unfortunately I didn't think that through when I got groceries last week, and so the chicken is now frozen to the container it came it....future note I will keep track of.
So now I am waiting for the chicken to thaw a little bit so I can get it away from the styrofoam, but I have the mix all ready. I'm debating adding a little water to it, or just turning the chicken halfway through the cooking to get an even coating. I suppose I'll ask Sweetheart her opinion before it gets cooking.


Although I could ask that question of everyone, do you add water to the mix to make sure your chicken/beef/meat stuffs is covered, or do you turn?

Envy in a Poly Relationship

I find myself envious of my girlfriend, and I know this is hard to admit, actually it's always hard to admit that everything isn't going perfectly in a relationship, at least for me it is. But I do envy her, Sweetheart is almost everything I'm not, she's very flirty, fun confident, and above all very sexy. I however, am sweet, kind, adorable  and naive.
Now for Husband he gets to have one of each kind with the two of us, because in the ways we are different we tend to compliment each other's personalities, but for me that sometimes leaves me feeling inadequate  or like I'm not good enough to please Husband. I know it's rather ridiculous especially since Husband loves me, and he loves Sweetheart, And I love both Husband and Sweetheart as well but I still feel like I am not good enough.

I tend to blame it on my social awkwardness as to why I want to be sexy and flirty to Husband so bad, but I always tend to fall short, and both Husband and Sweetheart think it's adorable as to how I try to be flirty.
What I really need to do is just stay in my niche, what I'm good at, but I see their relationship and I think that Sweetheart looks like she's having so much fun being flirty, and I just want to have fun sometimes, I just need to learn how to let loose and know that both Husband and Sweetheart love me for who I am, and neither of them want to change who I am, or how I am. (Although I'm sure Husband would enjoy me a little less socially awkward, but I don't know if I would truly be me if I wasn't so awkward)

And before anyone asks, we all three talk though these feelings, quite often in fact. Because if we were to ignore them, it would just get bottled up inside and create issues that can cause rifts in the relationships. And I know that Husband Sweetheart and I all three want our relationship to work out, because we plan on being together until we are old and grey sitting in our rocking chairs, Husband flirting, Sweetheart sassing him, and me crocheting and thinking both of them are crazy, and that I will love them till I die.

Procedure results

I'm loopy as all get out, and wondering if we became immortal would our bodies age, I think they would, I mean it's only fair that if we're going to live forever that our bodies would need to age in order to keep it's from getting powerful, because of course we would all be wizards, DnD wizards, not Harry Potter.

But my wonderings aside, I am alive, and they found nothing wrong with me that they could see, and I'll be meeting with the doctor next week to discuss the biopsy results, and I will of course let everyone know the results of that. I was hoping they would find something wrong with me so they could fix it, pig well, here's hoping the biopsy will tell is what's wrong with me to cause all this pain.

liquid diet

So all of today I'm on a liquid diet, and let me tell you what, I hate it.....I just want some solid food right now, but instead I'm having really cold water and going to be brewing some tea later. At least I can mix the power medicine with sweet tea later tonight. At least I hope that tastes better than the power mixed with water.
There is a piece of cheesecake in the fridge that is taunting me also....so not fair.

Medical Update

So at my appointment on Thursday, the doctor had originally suggested medicine, but when told that my insurance would be up at the end of May they decided to go ahead and schedule a procedure for Monday morning where they're going to go ahead and take a look around my colon and see if they can find out anything wrong with me.
To be honest, I hope they find something wrong with me, just so we can get it taken care of.

But anyways, just an update for anyone who was curious.